Skeletons

    In the spirit of spring cleaning, time to clean out the skeletons in the closet. Each and everyone of us have had them in there and some still continue to leave them there. I know I did for a very long time. It was my crutch. It was what I blamed my current actions, attitude, choices and mistakes. I needed the skeletons in the closet only to expose them so I didn't have to take responsibility that it was actually me that put them there to begin with. I realized that to obtain the self set goals for the future I needed to do some cleaning first. Just like any chore, it wasn't enjoyable. My first task I was faced with was caring about what everyone thought of me. A lot of the skeletons I put in my closet were because I felt the need to hide them to live up to certain expectations of others. I made a list of those "others" that had an idea of who I should or am supposed to be. I took that list of people and burned it. Fear sets in at this point. I remember thinking "if I don't do this or I don't do that, than i'll lose this person, Ill be lonely". The fact is I was already lonely not being able to share my true self. Alone in a crowded room as they say. The act of burning the list is to have a sense of closure that the past is indeed dead but also of reconstruction. When a house is burnt, the next step is to restore it. The same is illustrated in the exercise of burning this list. Striking the match, holding it to the paper, watching it catch fire and seeing nothing but ashes left of the past. Feels good. Hurts at first, but I promise, feeling good is coming. Keep moving forward with the process.
     So after I had the guts to lose some "friends" I started after each and every skeleton. Facing them on my own. After all I had put them there. It was my choices that stock piled my closet. I pulled out each memory it brought along with it. Its like pulling out an old shirt on the hanger, holding it up and looking at it, remembering the very moment you were in when you were wearing it. Feeling it, the soft comfortable emotion you had. Or, the coarseness, abrasive fabric you experienced while in that moment. I examined each as I pulled them out of the closet. Time was spent and tears were cried. Many tears. (If you say you do not cry, I recommend it.) The tears shed during this process allowed me to move forward. I vowed to myself never to relive that moment because I had already "cried it out" for the last time.  Give yourself a good cry. Then pack up the remains and pitch them.
      This isn't a half assed kinda job. You have to be fully ready to make that closet shine. Be true to your real self. If you don't know yourself, spend some time soul searching.